Project Idea: Cat Armor!


Rob made lasagna roses yesterday so I wrote this:

Lasagna roses are so sweet
But you know what would be a treat?
If you made your cart some armor
So her enemies couldn’t harm her.

You’ve been cooking lots of food
Some was bad and most was good
But I’m still just filled with woe
Because cat armor you refuse to sew.

Lasagna is chock full of cheese
But what will protect cat’s knees?
Or her ears on top of her head
Without armor, she could be dead!

So don’t just follow all the cattle
Get your kitty ready for battle.
If you try, you cannot fail
To knit some metal into chain mail.

So please, oh please, Corinne and Rob
I know it’s not for me to tell you your job
I keep on rhyming, don’t leave me hanging
Make cat armor while you’re ThreadBanging!


A DIY Mystery Room, so a DIY non-mystery poem!

I turn on YouTube and what do I see?
A brand new room that’s a mystery!
Built by hand by Corinne and Rob
As that is a big part of their job.

However, I would be amiss
If I didn’t make a little diss
At the fact I can’t be calmer
That your cat still has no armor!

It is time to sew or glue
You could knit some chain mail too!
Maybe make a little helmet
So your cat, in war, is well-met.

I know you could find stuff at Lowe’s
That could be made into kitty clothes.
Some flexible tubing or some mesh
Would keep your soldier-cat looking fresh!

If I rhyme then you may yield
To make a knight’s suit or a shield
And then I wouldn’t have to tattle
Because your cat would be ready for battle.

So before you finish this DIY
Remember that you make me cry
Your cat still has things that could harm her
So make her a bit of KITTY ARMOR!


This time, @Rob made a snow globe while @CorinneLeigh walked the cat! So I wrote this:

That snow globe is really tall
A very festive, Rob-filled ball
But I really noticed that
I saw Corinne out with the cat

That kitty out in the snow
Is afraid you do not know
That she could be left hanging
If she encountered a nasty dragon.

You know what wouldn’t harm her?
If you made some kitty armor!
Then she would be directed
To enter battle well protected.

And then she could go into war
Because that’s what armor’s for.
And when she’d won that battle true
Here’s something you could do…

You could make a tiny kitty
And it would be very pretty
If you used your frontal lobe
To make a kitty knight SNOW GLOBE!



For @Rob vs. @CorinneLeigh vs. Gingerbread, I wrote this:

Merry Christmas, Joyeaux Noel!
You know what I would find real swell?
If either of you would be a charmer
And show us how to make cat armor!

You made some great gingerbread
But what protects your kitty’s head
So she doesn’t fall like cattle
When she steps right into battle?

Maybe you could make a suit
Of gingerbread, it’d be real cute!
The helmet could be the tops
If you decorated it with gumdrops.

Keep kitty from all that slicing
With a layer of royal icing
You could help fulfill my wish
With a suit made of jellybeans and licorice.

Even if you close the year
Without making armor here
I will thank him and also thank her
For a great season on ThreadBanger!



Today, @CorinneLeigh teased me specifically, by being in Lowe’s during their “FML We Bought a House” video, but it was a tiny kitty bathtub.


Now that’s cute, but it’s no CAT ARMOR.

So I wrote this poem:

Your place comes with a tiny house
But what if your cat’s attacked by a tiny MOUSE?
That’s something that could certainly harm her
Therefore, she needs KITTY ARMOR!

You’ve shown you are good at spackle
But if an enemy should want to tackle
The cat will almost certainly fail
If you don’t make her chain mail.

Your new house you definitely improved
But that doesn’t protect a feline who’s moved
Her way into a kitty battle
Where she’d be slaughtered like so many cattle.

So make sure that your cat can win,
You have the skills, Rob and Corinne!
Maybe you could get stuff at Lowe’s
And build that armor from PVC and hose.

I’m trying not to be too mean
But you ignored my lines in 2017
So maybe this is the time you hear
My pleas for cat armor in the new year.


Today, @CorinneLeigh made a PIZZA TACO! So here’s a poem for that:

Pizza taco tastes real good
It tastes like a food really should
But what if your cat goes to war
That’s what kitty armor’s for!

An enemy will surely yield
If your cat has her own shield
And her foes will be well-met
With a feline in a helmet

It wouldn’t take many tools
(And you’d only slightly feel like fools)
To make something shiny and pretty
That can protect your little kitty!

Even your cat took a trip
To mess with your sponsorship
I’m sure that even GrubHub
Wouldn’t want soldier kitty to look a shlub

You know that it’s what I mean
When I even keep up in 2018
To write you all of these rhymes
And comment for your many times

So please, Corinne, grant my wish
(After you’ve made your tasty dish)
Cat armor would look great on a hanger
But even better for Kitty ThreadBanger!


Today, @Rob uploaded a 7-Up salad, so here’s something that incorporates that as well as he incorporated the mayonnaise:

Salad with Coke, ginger ale, or Sprite
But I was thinking that you might
Want to make something that
Was as awesome as armor for your cat.

This was great, with the marshmallows
But what if kitty faced the Deathly Hallows?
She would win across the board
If she had chainmail and a sword.

7-up, mayonnaise, and some fruit
Is cool, but still you could make a suit
Of armor that would protect your kitty
And if you were careful, it could be pretty!

That salad looks cool in a ring
But kitty could face anything
If she was suited in some tin
Then every war she went to, she would win!

Though it’s not my place, Corinne and Rob
To tell you how to do your job
But it would make me very glad
If a suit of armor, your cat had.

So maybe for the brand-new year
You could protect her from ear to ear
And no enemy could ever hang her
With her armor from ThreadBanger!



Today, @Rob did some stone fireplace stuff and had a flood, so here’s my poem for that:

Finding stones for the fireplace
But what if someone threw rocks at the face
Of your precious little kitty
If she weren’t protected, it wouldn’t be pretty!

You both know what to do
Something I’ve been telling you
To protect her from all who’d harm her
Your kitty needs some KITTY ARMOR!

If she happened to be detected
By enemies, she’d be well-protected
If she was outfitted from head to tail
In tin or leather or chain mail.

Armor may be a dud
If she should happen to have a flood
It would be too heavy, I think
And that kitty would promptly sink.

So now you have to add a feature
To your cute feline creature
Make an addition to her armor things
And add on some water wings!



A two-fer today, as @CorinneLeigh had a snow day! So here’s a snow day poem:

Corinne dealt with lots of snow
Outside her kitty couldn’t go
And while it wouldn’t help with the freeze
I’d like some cat armor for her, please.

If your cat saw a snow dragon
She’d need some armor to keep from snagging
Herself up with all her foes
’Cause she’d be protected from head to toes.

You made some soup out of lasanga
But what if enemies were all on ya?
You cat could suit up to go to war
Because that’s what cat armor is made for.

So next time you are snowed in
Make sure your kitty can always win
Whenever she goes in to fight
And then she’d be a KITTY KNIGHT!



Today, @Rob and @CorinneLeigh made a Superbowl Snack Stadium, so I made this poem:

The Superbowl is really good
But what is better? Stadium food!
But what if dragons always wrecked it?
Maybe your kitty could protect it!

If your cat went into a fight
What could you make to protect her right?
And keep away all that could harm her?
A tiny suit of KITTY ARMOR!

Some chain mail, helmet and a shield
Would help her enemies to yield
When she stepped out on the field
And a tiny lance she would wield.

It could be made just like you’d paid 'em
To make this delicious snack-y stadium.
You could make a suit out of foam
Or other things you have at home.

Knit some armor out of wool
Or perhaps chopsticks arrows to keep the quiver full
The possibilities honestly have no bounds
When you have pieces you have found.

So please heed all my many rhymes
(For I have asked you many times).
Make some armor (don’t keep it on a hanger)
Please oh please, my friends at ThreadBanger!



Ha that last cat looks dead inside


This is epic, and SO CUTE! Corinne should definitely give this one a try.


At this point, xingcat is probably dead inside from all this rhyming.


I stayed away for a few weeks, because it seemed fruitless, but then @CorinneLeigh had a birthday party for her kitty, and I just couldn’t contain myself.

I kind of gave up
And stayed away
But you know what
Would make your cat’s day?

A wonderful suit
That you could build
When your kitty
Joins the knights’ guild!

She would be safe
Nothing would harm her
If your 2 year old
Had some cat armor.

It would be slick
Shine from head down to belly
All her cat friends
Would really be jelly.

Though you have the flu
And couldn’t help me
She could still get some armor
By the time she turns THREE!


Ugh remember when we kept doing this?
Now this whole place is dead
How sad