desperate need of life advice

[r3dron3]

Okay, I really need advice, and I know the people here are nice.... also I know I don't post here much, mostly because I don't do much to post, and don't feel right posting on topics I don't know much about.

Anyways, I would like it if people read this, and read all of it please, and give advice. I know some may not agree with some parts of it but... I just really need advice on the big picture not the details.

Now, onto the advice.

In mid April of this year I met a girl, she was going through a hard time, and I felt that I needed to reach out and help her. Things changed, she got out of her rough life, ditched her abusive boyfriend, and ended up being with me. Which is great, we have been together since end of May and both of our lives have improved, but there is a catch. She lives in Texas, and I in Massachusetts, yes, our relationship is long distance. Now even this isn't too bad, except for the fact that she still lives in a abusive home (verbally so no proof) and goes to school in a abusive school.
Now let me explain the school, because its a key point. Because of some of her problems (no more then the average person now, just different) the pressure of school really gets to her, and I cant exactly comfort her the way I would if I was there. Also add in to it that every one in her school is like, a preppy homophobe, and she is Bisexual. And lastly every one knows of the last couple years of her life, her cutting (she know longer does this) drinking and drugs (both she quit also, and will never touch again) so she deals with constant abuse because of this.
Now the original plan was to get her out, on her birthday this September when she turns 18, but I never got a job as I needed. For a while it looked like things would be okay and we could wait for another year, but now things have gotten worse, even her therapist and school councilor say she isn't right for high school and its keeping her from becoming “better”. So now I need to get her out of there, again in September, and I don't think I will have the money.
I just got a job, like this Monday, at home depot which is great but I don't think I will make enough to move out of my parents house by September, and as stated I need her out of there. I think I need another job, but I cant get one, as there are none. The stress for both of us is getting hard... she says that she doesn't mind where we live as long as we are together, but I'm afraid of not being able to take care of her.
So what do I do? How do we cope with this? I am lost and any advice will help, usually I ask my parents about these things... but they don't know about our relationship and wont support it... they don't believe in long distance love. So do I just wait and hope that Home Depot brings me up to full time? Do I work harder on writing and hope that I can get published? Do I forget about home and just save my money and book to Texas and hope for the best?

Gah I just don't know... this is more of a rant I guess, getting my feelings out and being listened to... some thing I really need... please any one that reads just respond some how.


PS. trust me about her, I know she is worth it, I had to make the decision a long time a go, either trust that she is being truthful as I am and get the best thing I could ask for, or think she is lying and lose what may be my true love.

PSS. Sorry for using you guys as therapy ^^;;;

[Maiflowers]

well well well. This was a toughy to get through. I have alot of little questions but I doubt its the right time to ask. Be careful with whatever desision you make. I suggest you talk your parents, they can be a great help. Even if they don't 'belive' in long distance relationships I'm sure they'll understand.

I think you should wait untill you have enough money for an apartment and food before you go and get one. you don't want to starve and not have any rent money. Also she should be helping with this money thing, you should be getting together and discusing this, putting your money together and looking for a home.

Don't use my advise as a plan, no one here (at least I don't think) is a professional at this advise thing, but you should take what some of the other people say into consiteration(sp?).

[r3dron3]

Dont worry, we have talked about money and things, and i cant get her out of there or move out untill september at the best. She needs a job, we both agree to that but her gran (who she lives with) is kind of evil. She had 100 dollars when i met her (from working mind you) but her gran thought she stole it and took it, and she cant open a bank account yet being 17. She will get a job when she moves in with me though, so we will work together. As to my parents... they wont help, i know this, they will just say "i doubt this is really anything and you shouldnt worry about it" or they will lecture me, a lot, about it. In short they wont help as much as they will hinder.

PS. its "consideration"

[goofipinay]

Well, first of all, you have to realize that you can't always save someone. I know it isn't a happy thing to think about, but something that most people have to deal with.

Now, if you are really thinking about moving out and managing for you and her, she has to agree with it. Obviously, she has. But before you move out, you have to figure out if your job is stable enough to take care of both of you...Put in another factor, that she has to be able to get a stable job, also, in case something happens (you lose your job for a while..or something).

Then, there's always time. How much time do you really have? If it's by next September, you could possibly get classes to have a more stable career.
For example:
-An RN is more or less 18 months of classes...depending on if it's JUST those classes, where it is, etc.
-Internet jobs are probably easier to get (because of the growing industry), and easier to gain skills, depending on what type of person you are.
--along with internet jobs, some careers require certification (such as a photoshop certification)
-Try to get some short stories, poems, etc. published for some pocket cash, but don't depend on them, too much.

[r3dron3]

Aye i know that i cant save everyone, and i would have agreed with you had we not actually become a couple. I know many people dont believe in it but i do love this girl. Also as to jobs, we both know this, she is a rather good webdesigner, and as stated i have a job at Home Depot which could become a carreer, though i am thinking of becoming a social worker... so i may look into classes for that. And i may start a website for new writers, like a giant writers circle, soon. Currently i am working on three novels and like... 4 short stories so i need to see what comes from them.

thanks for the advice though, it helps just hearing other people give ideas, makes me feel less lost and all ^^

[goofipinay]

Aye i know that i cant save everyone, and i would have agreed with you had we not actually become a couple. I know many people dont believe in it but i do love this girl. Also as to jobs, we both know this, she is a rather good webdesigner, and as stated i have a job at Home Depot which could become a carreer, though i am thinking of becoming a social worker... so i may look into classes for that. And i may start a website for new writers, like a giant writers circle, soon. Currently i am working on three novels and like... 4 short stories so i need to see what comes from them.

thanks for the advice though, it helps just hearing other people give ideas, makes me feel less lost and all ^^

well if she's a good webdesigner, maybe she could start now
granted, they probably wouldn't hire her..but she could gain experience for when she turns 18
I'm guessing you're the same age..my school offers to pay for stuff like getting a photoshop certification, indesign, etc. (I'm hoping to get the photoshop one, but i need more practice..I could probably nail the InDesign one xD)

hmm...Massachusetts, eh? Should start snowing soon...After work or before work...you could shovel snow.. It's not much, but some people are lazy and pay $20+
or...hmm I dunno

[r3dron3]

Actually i am a year older, and as to snow, it allready has snowed, though no one around here highers for it (trust me i looked). And we just (like just now) talked about her webdesign, right now she is busy with school but she will look into it on her winter vacation, and do some work this summer (if all goes well).

And i am really looking for other jobs, i just dont want to burn my self up and lose a job and be useless to her.

[goofipinay]

Actually i am a year older, and as to snow, it allready has snowed, though no one around here highers for it (trust me i looked). And we just (like just now) talked about her webdesign, right now she is busy with school but she will look into it on her winter vacation, and do some work this summer (if all goes well).

And i am really looking for other jobs, i just dont want to burn my self up and lose a job and be useless to her.

Mm well hope it all works out for yall
I hope this (planning to live together and stay together) happens with me and my bf :)
update us, too...you have time to get things together so...

[r3dron3]

Aye thank you, and i will keep you all updated. And best of luck with you and your boyfriend, your right, we do have time, which is a very good thing. I just dont want her in that hell they call high school longer then needed (was home schooled my self).

[saintlike_ontheoutside]

Well, if you have a job in Massachusetts that could possibly become a career, then when you move to Texas you won't have a job. So you really have to save and save. Start filling out applications before you move. I would definitely say get another job. Even if it is just at a super market, you have to save up enough money to survive for those few months where you might not have a job in Texas, which include rent, utilities, food, other. Also if she is only 17, she can not legally move out, unless she is legally emancipated which I don't think will happen if her grandmother is mean and abusive. So this buys you sometime to save. Ask your parents for a loan, tell them you are trying to settle down and you need their help, let them know it would be wrong to turn away their son in his time of need. Good Luck!

P.S. I am sorry if you are not a male. You didn't specify and you said the girl was bisexual, so sorry if I offended you.

[r3dron3]

Actually i plan to go get her and bring her up here this September, not me go down there to live. And i cant ask my parents for that because they dont have much money them selves... and are trying to find a way to retire. You basically nailed my plan otherwise, oh and your right, im a guy, just very open and okay with her being Bi